Sleepless Nights

Sleepless Nights

If you had your finger smashed by a hammer, you would instantly let out a wail by the excruciating pain. Even after bandaging the wound, the pain would continuously buffet you, as if your whole body weight was raised off the ground by a tight string tied to that wounded finger. Once I had my wisdom teeth extracted and afterwards suffered severe toothache for two days and two nights and could enjoy neither food nor sleep. The pain level was not constant but varied in a cycle and I felt like I was chained by my mouth and was pulled up by that chain and swing midair like a pendulum. After two days, my feet could finally touch the ground. My suffering was partly self-inflicted, because I didn’t take the pain killer my doctor prescribed. Later I hear that many people would even take opioids painkiller for toothaches, and thus fall victims to drug addiction.

Unlike physical pain that you feel like being suddenly pulled up by a string tied to your wound, and slowly let down to the ground, the pain of insomnia induced by anxiety has no physical wound. After a few sleepless nights, you feel like being slowly hung up with pressure mounting up in your head, yet you could not find the peg on your body upon which you were hung. For toothache, we could get rid of the tooth, and a few days later, that tooth would never hurt us again. But for the ache of anxiety disorder, we often have no idea where the anxiety come from, and have no way of surgically removing the source of pain. We find no promise of toothache relief from the Bible, but we do have this promise: He (God) gives to his beloved sleep. (Ps. 127:2 ESV) Therefore, if we loose sleep because of anxiety, let us run quickly towards God in love.

To do that we must Strive … for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. (Heb. 12:14 ESV) Sin is the peg that Satan buried into our life upon which we are chained (Eph. 4:27). Satan thus controls us like puppets, we sin during the day, and at night, the same chain would tighten over us and pulls us up, to a point that we loose sleep. The only relief is to run to God like David did, he said, For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. (Ps. 32:3-5 ESV) Let us bring to God sins both apparent and hidden, that He may forgive them, and thus remove these pegs from our life, then the Accuser cannot trouble us anymore. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. (Ps. 131:2 ESV)

All who want to come close to God, have walked through the valley of shadow of death, including the valley of sleepless and anxious nights. God allows Satan to trouble us with anxiety that surpasses all understanding, so that we may be forced to cleanse ourselves (2 Tim. 2:21), so that our inner being may be strengthened (Eph. 3:16), and be able to received the peace of God that surpasses all understanding (Phi. 4:7). As it is written, It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. (Ps. 119:71 ESV) Whenever I suffer, I purposely hide away the painkillers, because I believe the promises from the Bible: You let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance. (Ps. 66:12 ESV) For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. (Ps. 30:5 ESV) If you also believe the blessing hidden in the bitter cup, then drink it until the sweetness fills your mouth, then you too can testify, Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! (Ps. 34:8 ESV)
Prayer: Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions! Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken leap up in praise!